Letting things happen at their own pace.
People spend so much of their lives in a rush. There are deadlines to meet, work to get done, errands to do, meals to prepare, things that have to get done, places to go, people to see. No one really knows how to relax and let things happen. Life is happening so fast; it makes your head spin.
Many of us have gotten used to instant gratification. We want it and we want it now. If we have to work for it, it loses appeal. Society reinforces that logic. Multi-million dollar lawsuits. No fault divorces. Easy money schemes. Make her want you. New, improved and faster. It's all there.
But not many people realize instant gratification is impossible in a relationship. Oh, sure, they've heard you have to work at it, but they expect the other person to do the work for them. If you don't like what you've got, there's plenty of fish in the sea. Your partner was lucky to have had you as long as they did. You were the best thing that ever happened to them.
That kind of thinking is damaging to any relationship, but especially fatal to a D/s relationship. There has to be a high level of communication, trust, honesty, and mutual respect for the relationship to work. Without that, there is no basis to build on.
Respect is the most important. Without it, there's no chance of honesty or trust. After all, how can you open up to someone you don't respect? You can't demand that someone respect you, and if you did, I highly doubt it would be effective. Respect is earned. You get it by the way you deal with other, how you handle adversity, by what you are doing with your life. Respect doesn't always come with a high wage slip, but it does come through compassion, sharing, guidance, and intelligence. But you have to respect yourself as well as your partner.
To do what we do there has to be trust. Otherwise, it turns into abuse. Your partner is trusting you with their life. That's not something to rush into lightly. That person needs to know you, how you will react in certain situations, how much you can be relied on. They need to feel safe and secure. They need to know the faith they have in you is justified. This doesn't happen overnight, it develops over time.
You need to be honest with each other. Know your strengths, weaknesses, and most importantly, your limits. This alone would eliminate unrealistic expectations. Stating what you want from the relationship up front, sharing your goals, seeing if you are (despite whatever physical attraction there may be) compatible partners.
And there needs to be communication. Both ways. Neither partner should be intimidated into silence. Discuss anything and everything. Is she more sensitive to pain at certain times of the month? Is she reluctant to use her safeword for fear of looking wimpy? What do you want from this? All this needs to be discussed. Don't think beforehand. Communicate heart, mind, and soul - speak from the heart, keep an open mind, and listen with your soul. If you take the time to think what that means, you'll know how to communicate effectively.
Take the time to let the relationship develop naturally. Don't rush it. Pushing a relationship beyond the current bounds is sure to cause resentment, and if that is left to fester, it will destroy what you are working so hard to achieve.
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